Hey guys… all these earthquakes… ummm.

I think this is how it all starts. A bunch of earthquakes, some essential systems get knocked offline, chaos ensues. And then the zombies attack.

It's important that we all do our parts to take it easy and try to minimize new earthquakes to slow down this scenario. Here are some starter ideas:

• Walk more softly
• Don't jump, ever
• No more rock music, only play elevator music
• Carry tranquilizer guns to be used on construction workers
• etc

Even if you know that you're going to be whisked away during the rapture, and won't have to face the zombie apocalypse that will mark the beginning of Armageddon, let's try to slow things down for those of us that will stay here and fight.

There's a good chance that once the zombies rise, or very soon afterward, that many of the forms of communication that we rely on and take for granted will cease to exist.

Infrastructure will be destroyed not just from the zombies, but from panic (raiding/vandalism), decay, fear, etc. Until that happens though, many will just see the threat of zombies as some kind of joke, or the delusion of people that have seen too many horror movies – or need a random and consistent theme for blog posts. It's important then, that once the attacks begin, that anyone "in the know" turn immediately to any available channels of communication and begin organizing friends and family and getting them to do the same.

That last blast of organization and planning could be the thing that ultimately saves humanity.

I've come up with an easy method for determining the Awesomeness-Level of co-workers (or any other group that you frequently associate with).

It's quite simple – here's how!

Figure out approximately how many people you can have real conversations with. By "real" I mean: things that you're mutually interested in, things that one of you are interested in but the other person doesn't keep thinking to themselves "lalala don't care, are you done talking yet", and random things like zombie invasions…… Actually, scratch all that – just figure out how many people you can talk to about zombie invasions.

I estimate that I can carry on a conversation about zombie invasions with 10% of my co-workers, which gives my co-workers an Awesomeness-Level of 10. If I do the same with my friends, they end up with an Awesomeness-Level of about 85.

See! Incredibly easy and highly accurate! Obviously this entire metric gets skewed when we're actually in the middle of a zombie invasion, but when that time comes, I'll broadcast a new system on all emergency radio frequencies.

I'm looking for ideas for brightening up the situation regarding this darn swine flu that I can't stop hearing about. Here are a couple of things that I've come up with:

1) Relabel maps that show the spread of swine flu with titles like "Places Where People Weren't Taught How To Was Their Hands", or "Progression Of Zombie Apocalypse".

2) Pretend that confirmed cases of swine flu are actually confirmed cases of zombie threat. Remember, they can only be stopped by removing the head, or destroying the brain!