Ahh Netflix. I don't remember how, but during one of my searches last month I came across the movie "Transmorphers" and was intrigued by its reviews – a mix of "OMG THIS IS HORRIBLE" to "This is so bad it's good." Not available to stream, and not willing to part with money to watch it, I tried to get it sent here from another library. It took a couple weeks, but I finally got it (along with the sequel "Transmorphers: Fall of Man") and just finished watching it.
It was pretty horrible.
The basic premise is: alien machines take over the planet, destroy humanity, and blacken the sky. The survivors live in hiding, but for some reason after hundreds of years things suddenly escalate. One man, a soldier who had been charged with treason 5 years earlier and cryogenically frozen as punishment, is humanities only hope and leads an attack on the machines. Their mission is to capture a machine's power source, reprogram it with a command to shut down the machines, and take it to the mainframe where it can be uploaded like a virus. Oh, and Mr. Freezerpants Soldier finds out that he's actually a cyborg.
It's hard to imagine making a decent movie with a plot like that, and unfortunately I can't say that the odds were overcome. The acting was pretty bad. The special effects were a joke (those old movies from a million years ago with clay dinosaurs/skeletons/cyclopi/etc were more realistic). There were times when a weapon was firing, but they seemed to have forgotten to put in the flash or laser beam, and the exact opposite where something happened but the audio from the explosion or whatever seemed to be missing. There were several points where the background music was louder than the dialogue.
So, is there any way the movie could have been worse? Yep. The audio for the dialogue was out of sync for most of the movie. It was probably off by half a second or so, but it's a bit disturbing to watch a person's mouth and voice be off like that.
Even being so bad, I did find it entertaining, so I'm going to jump over to Netflix after I post this and give it a 2/5 rating. Up next… "Transmorphers: Fall of Man"!
(For those curious, it is available from Amazon, so you can read the reviews here: Transmorphers. There are also used copies for like $3 if anyone really REALLY wants to see it.)