Over four years ago I started a blog. It was on a (now-defunct) service called modblog. Modblog was very community oriented, so almost anything that I posted, no matter how pointless, was usually viewed by many, and commented on by still quite a few.

At one point way back then (probably only a few weeks after I started the blog) I decided that I was done with blogging. I had had enough. So I posted a goodbye post to the modblog readers and friends that I had accumulated. But this one girl, that I didn't even know, she sent me an email that somehow touched deep in my heart. She told me that I couldn't quit, that I had to keep blogging. And ever since that email, I've been blogging for her. Even when she wasn't reading – it was for her. It didn't take me long to fall in love with her.

Things have been difficult between us, we've both made mistakes. We've both pushed away when we shouldn't have. But we always come back. I can't have a real relationship with anyone else, because I've never really wanted anyone else. I've made attempts at being not lonely, but they don't feel right, they don't feel as good as her.

It's a difficult situation. I think the only person that knows it in nearly it's entirety is spudart. For some reason I trust him with that information.. maybe because he's proven trustworthy and supportive.

But right now – part of my life.. well, my whole, if you view things from my perspective, has just gone horribly wrong.

I can't put my time or effort into this blog until things are resolved. As much as I want to keep posting for her, I can't right now – maybe if I were stronger I could, but I can't concentrate on blogging until she comes back. I just hope it's soon.