I bought new shoes. Finally. In case you're not aware of the condition of the old ones – they had almost no sole left. I think they're close to a year old now, and the unneven wear has probably screwed up the way I walk even more. But now I have new ones, and this time I'll replace them when they start to wear out, rather than when I start to wear out.

I also got a really nifty Mountain Dew t-shirt. A t-shirt whose tag says to line dry it. It's in the dryer now, probably mutating into something horrible. I can't wear it though, because it makes me look incredibly scrawny. But it's good I guess, because now I have two motivations for becoming not-so-scrawny (the other one involves a lobster – if you have to ask, don't.)

Last night the cat was scratching at my door. I don't know why, because he's afraid to come in here anyway – won't come in when I call him, stopped dead at the doorway when chasing a laser pointer – he doesn't seem to be big on change, but he seems to like me just fine, so I dunno. Anyway, cat scratching, and it wakes me up.. if you've never seen me when I wake up, it's pretty funny. My thinking is quite humorous for a few minutes. The scratching noise must have brought up memories of when I was a kid and there was a raccoon in the attic, because I was TERRIFIED that there was a raccoon trying to get in my room. Just a weird fear for minutes, until the raccoon meowed, and then I was like "grar.. oscar, go to sleeps!"

And this is why no one reads my blog.

HALP! iz stuk in a trees!

Yep, there are more.. just click here.

Have you ever been so tired that you can't sleep?

Over the last week my mind has completely worn itself out. "Mental fatigue" doesn't even begin to describe it. I don't handle stress well, as some of you have (unfortunately) seen. I'm doing much better now.. but where was this rational thought a week ago? Days ago even.

My situation has taken a heavy toll on myself, and those that I care about. Unnecessary stress for everyone, with much more harm done than good. I've never really been able to figure out where my abandonment/loss issues were coming from.. until last night – between staring at the ceiling and checking my phone constantly just in case I didn't hear it ring – I kind of just swore at myself when I realized it, and said (maybe out-loud, maybe in my head, I don't remember) "$#*( … that was 20 years ago!" So obvious, so simple now. I've let something from my childhood destroy my life and push away, repeatedly, the one thing that really matters to me.

Add on top of that my need to fix everything, and the mess gets even bigger. I mean everything, you're sad – I'll fix it, toaster doesn't work – I'll fix it, coat rack is screwed up – fixed. Normally it's not a problem, but when I'm worried, the feeling to fix things becomes absolutely overwhelming.

I'm not really sure what to do right now. I think that if I just took a week off, and completely disappeared, living in a cave eating granola bars with no contact from anyone – things would probably work out much better than anything I could do.

But mostly, I'm just tired. And the tiredness is definitely getting to be ridiculous. And kind of cold.

Since I'm bored, and a bit emotionally unstable.. I decided to make a rough mock-up of one of the many things that's been floating around in my head. I need to work on the sizing, font, colors, and overall shape, but this is the general idea.

Ok, so this really isn't an idea for improving the fuel efficiency of anything, it's more along the lines of just not paying for the energy.

Imagine a hybrid gas/electric motorcycle. Are you imagining it? Ok, now imagine that its batteries are easily removable, easily concealed in a backpack, easily stowed under a desk at work.. and easily plugged in and recharged using your employer's electricity. Tada!

Ok, so.. problems: you're not going to be able to conceal or carry enough batteries to get you probably any more than a few miles down the road. That's why it's a hybrid – the gas engine will kick in and charge the batteries when needed. It's not perfect, and ethically it might be a bit sketchy, but it's one idea for coping with rising fuel costs.

I'm still waiting for the day when fuel is so expensive that it ends up being cheaper to just not go to work. I've gotta get some magic web-properties set up and bringing in income before then.

I didn't post this yesterday, because I had to post a retraction to my previous post about putting blogging on hold.

I actually heard someone complain about all the media coverage on George Carlin's death, because he was so "rude and offensive." I guess you either love the guy or hate him, even though I fall somewhere in between those extremes. He was honest, brilliant, and funny. He pushed the envelope and made people think rather than just laugh.

Plus he rode around in a time-traveling phone booth.

He will be missed.

So, ignore the last post. I'll try to make up for the lack of lolcats last Friday this week.. or maybe I'll just have more pictures to weed through – either way, this Friday might be slightly better lolcat-wise.

Why am I an idiot? Many reasons. The last post.. the reason I decided that I shouldn't, no, couldn't blog, was because my posts would turn into a bunch of whiny "I'm sorry" posts that would do more harm than good. But I just realized that that's not it at all. I felt like something was taken away from me, so I tried to take something back. The worst part is, I didn't even realize I was doing it.

What's done is done, I suppose. My actions, whether intentional or not, have repercussions.. and now I have to deal with those. There's a good chance that I won't like the way that I've pushed things, but I've made my bed, as they say.

I can't guarantee the daily blog posts for awhile. But I'm not going to stop blogging. I'm not going to knowingly be a jerk.